Rejection is an invitation to reflect,
redirect, and realign your energy in a
way that’s more purposeful.
HOW CAN WE PROTECT OUR
SELF-ESTEEM WHEN OUR IDEAS
ARE REJECTED?
I'm going to speak to a few elements related to your question, so
bear with me…
I know it sounds totally cliché, but rejection or failure —
whichever word you prefer — is really just information. It’s
valuable information that can clue you into what is and isn’t
working. I can’t tell you how many times throughout my career
my ideas have been rejected or ignored or even claimed by
someone else later. Each time it happened, it pushed me to
question what I could do to improve both my ideas and how
best to share them. So let’s start there: If you have ideas or
solutions that you're passionate about and believe in, there
could be a few reasons why they’re not gaining traction. Is it the
content? The way you’re presenting it? Are you pitching to the
right audience? Or is the idea simply not ready for prime time
yet? If you are early in your career, it may be that your
knowledge of the situation is incomplete. You may not yet be
aware of what has been tried or proposed before, so ask: What
issues or concerns do you have? Is there anything I’m missing?
Get—and stay—curious.
And don’t underestimate the power of simply asking someone,
What do you need? This one question can save you a lot of time
and heartache by ensuring what you deliver actually aligns with
their expectations.
I learned this lesson the hard way early in my career, when my
boss asked me to bring him an idea to solve a problem our
team had been facing. I worked tirelessly to craft a
sophisticated, detailed analysis I was certain would impress him,
only for him to tell me he was disappointed, and it wasn’t what
he expected from me. I felt awful. After a second attempt that
still missed, he finally explained that what he really needed was
something quick and straightforward—something I could’ve
done in ten minutes if I’d just asked the right questions upfront.
That was one of the toughest moments of my career, but it
taught me an invaluable lesson: Clarity changes everything.
Asking direct and specific questions, such as,“What exactly are
you hoping to see?” or, “What format works best for you?” isn’t
just efficient and effective, it can also transform how you and
your ideas are perceived and received.
Now, let’s assume your idea is solid, meets the mark, you've
presented it well, and it’s still not taking off. As I often remind my
coaching clients when exploring their Human Design self-
knowledge system, only about nine percent of people are
designed to initiate ideas out of the blue. For most of us, our
energy flows more effectively—and our ideas gain more traction
—when we respond to something in our environment, such as a
question, a problem, or an invitation to contribute. That doesn’t
mean we shouldn’t share our ideas—it just means we need to
be mindful of the timing and context to ensure they resonate.
Think of your creativity and your ideas like gold — valuable and
precious. Tune in to whether this is the right time, right place,
right people to share them with so they’ll truly be heard and
appreciated. For example, you're in a meeting and throw out a
“Hey, what if we...?”, and it’s met with crickets, it likely wasn’t the
time. But when someone asks, “Does anyone have suggestions?”
— that’s your moment to bring out your golden contribution. You
can even lead the witness and ask, ”Is now a good time to share
an idea I have?” to ensure they’re ready and open to listening.
This brings us to your original question of how we can protect
our self-esteem, because I get it, it stings. We’ve been
conditioned to tie our self-worth to external validation, so
rejection feels deeply personal. But here’s the truth:
Those feelings of embarrassment, frustration, or even shame
when an idea doesn’t land? They’re actually signals that you
care deeply about what you are offering.
As I teach my clients, be a screen door, not a sponge.
Acknowledge and witness the feelings of rejection, let the
emotions flow through you, but resist the urge to absorb them—
or worse, tie their meaning to your identity. Emotions are just
energy in motion, they’re meant to move. Like messengers, they
offer powerful insights into patterns and beliefs that might be
limiting you. Holding onto or suppressing them only limits your
possibilities and, over time, can lead to burnout and bitterness.
Take time to process your emotions in whatever way works for
you— yell, cry, journal, talk it out with a trusted friend. Then let
them go, and get ready for the next opportunity.
Growth requires that you keep showing up, learning, and
refining. Every time you show up for yourself, you’re honing your
instincts and strengthening your inner compass.
And remember,
Gold doesn’t lose its value just because it’s not used right away,
and neither do your ideas. When the right moment comes, their
brilliance will be recognized, and you’ll be ready.
Your value is intrinsic and absolute.
MEDIA@WOMENSAEROSPACE.COM
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